


The Perfect Pizza

by elena_stidham



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Not Beta Read, Time Skips, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 07:39:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16656979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elena_stidham/pseuds/elena_stidham
Summary: "This is the ultimate pizza order. Okay. We have decided this over years, and we always get this because it's the best thing."A fic in which Dan and Phil decide what it takes to make this ultimate pizza order.





	The Perfect Pizza

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS FOR: Very light cursing. Like, Disney level.  
> SONGS USED TO GET IN THE MOOD: Just some ASMR really I need to go to bed  
> I did a fucking ridiculous amount of research for this fic. Bastards. The things I do for you. I used a legitimate academic source with my actual university email to obtain a Phan 2009 document and I currently have about 40 different tabs open chronicling Dan and Phil’s history with pizza. Pizza. Jesus Christ. Anyways. This popped into my head after watching the mukbang video for a god knows how many times now. Dan said this took years, and so I’m going into that. I don’t even like pizza. I haven’t had it in like, years. Anyways. I hope you guys like this! Maybe munch on a pizza while you read it idk – the amount of times I had to type pizza is actually making me want some…hmm. Now, I know that Dan and Phil definitely had pizza more than what I’m about to mention, and they probably had it before December 1st in 2009, but I’m only using what has been documented on the internet that we can find. It also had to be them eating it together instead of alone. Talk about challenging. Anyways! My tumblr is elenastidham. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!  
> -Elena

The first is topped with pepperoni and is burnt to a crisp.

It’s the third night in process at Phil’s place while his parents are gone – and Dan is starving. On Twitter he hasn’t got a problem with describing staying over with Phil is like “being involuntarily anorexic,” but in person he can’t bring himself to be angry about it. He isn’t there to eat, after all. If anything, the two of them have been pushing food as far away as they could if it meant it gives them more time together. They didn’t know how long it would be before they’d see each other again.

The first day of December would have been fine with the 4-degree weather had it not been for the 22 kilometre per hour winds, and because of this extreme contradiction to heat Phil really did not want to go outside. They’ve eaten out the past couple of days while Dan stayed over, but now hunger was on the rise just as the cold.

But he instead discovers a godsend of pizza, frozen in a box in their freezer, ready to be tossed into an oven’s heat rays. However – he overcooked it.

“ _Phil,_ ” is all Dan manages to laugh, but he eats it anyway, making sure to tag him about it in his Dailybooth. It is far from the perfect pizza.

They decide on Domino’s from then onward.

As the years pass, they try a few more types – but they all fail. Pizza Express? Scalding. Phil couldn’t get past the burning in his mouth and there was no flavour to be obtained. Little Caesar’s? Trash. There was, however, a moment where Phil had ordered them a stuffed crust from Pizza Hut and felt the need to tweet that he was cheating.

He didn’t expect the two different pizza places to respond to him, though, so while they still hadn’t obtained that perfect pizza, they did get a good laugh.

Another December came, but in 2014, and at this point they’ve taking a catering to meat on their pizza. The MeatFeast at Domino’s was a go-to, but it’s still not quite satisfying yet. And despite the hysterical shouting of “ _Phil went to eighth base with the pizza man!_ ” echoing in the apartment walls, the hunt was still on.

Meat, though, Meat is a start.

It’s not until 2015 July when PJ introduces them to barbecue pizza. Specifically, Texas barbecue. It’s sweet as hell, and while they definitely enjoy the taste, they know that it would be incredibly hard to eat a whole pizza of just that one type.

Even still, they’re onto something.

Come a night in the following November Dan suddenly has a craving for the sweet kind, but at the same time he knows he wouldn’t be able to finish more than maybe one extra slice. That’s when Phil and his incredible mind produces the idea for splitting the pizza in half.

“What’s going on the other side, then?” Dan asks.

“I’m not sure. But I heard Dominos put the Sizzler back on the menu this year,” Phil’s sentence trails. The idea is planted.

“God, yes, it’s heavenly,” Dan literally moans. “Get that on the other side.”

And with their luck, the moped with the pizza is literally _stolen._

Thankfully Dominos sends them another pizza, much to their hunger and tension, but the delicious creation of half Sizzler half Texas Barbecue is practically to die for. It’s the sweet and savoury, however, an element is missing.

Something. Something is not quite right. It’s nearly perfect. It’s nearly there.

By the end of 2015 they release a book, their first book, and of course decide that pizza is there at the end to celebrate. They’re still trying other kinds – expanding the palette, and during the rise of a great debate they decide to order pineapple pizza and give it a try once and for all.

Just like with the rest of the world, there was a _divide._

Dan didn’t mind it. It’s not his favourite, then again he doesn’t fancy warm pineapple, but he’d eat it again if the conditions were right. Phil, on the other hand, wanted the pizza to die.

In the height of 2018 they’re on tour again. _Again._ With another mindfuck paradise of cheering and exhaustion, this is the time where they get to try the most pizza they otherwise haven’t really had the chance to.

It’s here where they can confirm—

“—She says you’re…an idiot—”

“—Witness the majesty of the Chicago Giordano’s deep dish pizza. It’s an absolute unit. I’ve had this twice in my life and never finished it—”

—That the pizza has to be from the UK. It’s most fun when they’re able to watch something while they eat. West World was a radical conceptussy – however, a lot of times they have the pizza to unwind from an intense amount of trauma.

Even still, through the beached whale noises and overjoyed yeets, it takes a brisk night in October for them to decide, once and for all, what it takes to finally complete the perfect pizza.

A simple switch and substitution. Ground beef instead of chicken. That’s all it required; finally, after many years and an unholy amount of time, they have finally mastered the perfect pizza. The perfect kind just for them.

Now, they can add this to the permanently growing list of perfect things they share in their lives.


End file.
